Resiliency Corner: Coping with grief during the holiday season

  • Published
  • By Jaclyn E. Urmey
  • 514th AMW Director of Psychological Health
JOINT BASE MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST, N.J. --  No matter what holiday you celebrate, the arrival of that holiday is inevitable. Each of us has memories of a loved one, whether family or friend, who is no longer with us and that can make the holidays particularly difficult.

If you've lost someone this year and have yet to experience a specific holiday without the loved one or if you've lost someone years ago, the emptiness you may feel can be inescapable, but an unpleasant holiday season is not necessarily what's in store for you.

Accepting your feelings about the loss can help make room for the loss in your heart and mind without allowing the difficult feelings to soil joyful experiences of the holidays. Expressing faith or being with supportive, comforting people, like other family and friends, can assist in accepting these feelings.

Be patient with yourself as you understand your psychological and physical limits this holiday season. Grief can consume much of our energy, and talking about the loved one with close friends and family can help normalize the impact of the loss. You may also want to explore the meaning and purpose of life by identifying positive things in your life. 

If you are concerned about upcoming gatherings and events, take time to plan ahead to prepare yourself for questions or conversations that may arise. It may be best to skip some of the events if it's just too difficult, but talk about that decision with someone who may be able to support you. Do what feels right for you. Many times, losses create opportunities to make new traditions and do something different. This may be an opportunity for you to celebrate in a new, equally satisfying, way.

Love does not end with the passing of our loved one. Some believe love is a legacy that lives on in memories or in our hearts. As times goes on, we may learn how much that loved one enriched our life and gave us the wisdom and strength to get where we are today. The experiences of celebrating that person and expressing the gratitude for having them in our life may be the greatest gifts we receive this holiday season.

For more information on grief and bereavement, visit Military OneSource or contact me at 609-754-2542.