Resiliency Corner: The Significance of Validation Published Oct. 30, 2015 By Jaclyn Urmey 514th AMW director of psychological health JOINT BASE MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST, N.J. -- Isn't it nice to hear something positive about yourself from someone else, especially when you least expect it? How often does this happen to you, and how often do you do this for others? More times than not, we push through each day not recognizing the little things others do to make our day just a little better. Or we aren't always stopping to "smell the roses" to appreciate the beauty in every day that presents itself in ourselves or other people around us. The simple recognition of something positive about another person in order to help them feel understood is called emotional validation. Karyn Hall, PhD, defines emotional validation as the recognition and acceptance of another person's thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors as understandable. Equally important is self-validation, which Dr. Hall defines as the recognition and acceptance of your own thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors as understandable. Sometimes it's easier to validate or recognize positive attributes in other people than it is to recognize our own positive contributions to the world, but both are needed to have a healthy, balanced life. Validation involves empathy, or the ability to put yourself in another's shoes or try to understand what they are going through, and compassion, genuine concern for the welfare of another and the desire to alleviate their suffering. Some examples of validation are telling someone who is upset about having a bad day that it's understandable that they are feeling that way or sincerely asking someone how they are doing. By taking a moment out of your day to recognize and accept someone else, you are demonstrating to that person that not only are they worth your time, but that they, as a person, have worth. Examples of self-validation include allowing yourself the same compassion and empathy that you may show others in a time of distress or discomfort. For example, if you believe another person's reactions to a situation are understandable, and you react the same way, you should believe that your reactions are understandable as well. Double standards, or rationalizing why a rule applies to one person but not another, contributes to unfair outcomes, and is quite often a variable in unhealthy couples' communication. It's not uncommon for us to have a higher expectation of ourselves than others, but when we fail to meet that expectation, we tend to be harder on ourselves than we would be on others. Be mindful that you can give yourself self-validation to help you feel understood, as well as validating others around you. By reminding the world that you care and notice when a little love is needed, you are opening your heart and mind up to the recognition of the beauty and compassion within yourself. * * * For more information, call 609-754-2542 or email jaclyn.urmey@us.af.mil. To see the Freedom Wing's schedule for a series of classes based on The Stress Reduction and Relaxation Workbook by Davis, Eshelman, & McKay, visit: www.514amw.afrc.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123461117.