Every day, Airmen must prepare to face whatever challenges may arise for the military. Being deployment ready is a huge part of the job, and a lot of effort goes into making sure every Airman’s personal, professional, and financial affairs are in order before leaving. Not only does the Airman need to be prepared, but so does their family.
An Airman has access to all kinds of tools before, during, and after a mission, so, naturally, it is important their family also have resources available. One of those invaluable resources is the Key Spouse Program.
As the Commander’s Key Spouse Program Guide states, “the Key Spouse program is a commander’s initiative which promotes partnerships with unit leadership, families, Key Spouses, Key Spouse Mentors, the Airman and Family Readiness Center, and other Integrated Delivery System agencies.”
KSP at JBMDL
Judith Pates, the 514th Force Support Squadron Airman & Family Readiness Director, helped to create our own Key Spouse Program here at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst eight years ago. Pates described the wing commander in 2008 as being very family oriented, and that his wife was extremely involved in the wing. She remembers two women who were frequently coming into her office to assist in making morale calls or doing whatever they could to reach out to military spouses. The commander’s attitude and these women’s involvement helped to inspire the birth of the program.
Pates, who spent ten years on the active-duty side, and now nine years here with the Reserve, explained that on active-duty, spouses and families have support and resources readily available to them, particularly through on-base housing. The Reserves, however, are different. She says that because military members and their families are living in locations all around the country, most are without these resources. That is where the Key Spouses come in.
Becoming a Key Spouse
The KSP is a commander’s program. This means it is up to the commander to decide what kind of volunteer he or she wants representing the unit. Since these volunteers are tasked with developing comforting, supportive relationships with the military spouses, it is important for them to be loyal, dependable, and comfortable to be around. When a commander finds a strong candidate, the potential volunteer is sent an appointment letter by the commander. The volunteer then begins training to be a Key Spouse.
First, the volunteer must go through an in-person, one day training with Pates. Often, these training sessions are held with active-duty spouses as well. If an in-person training is not an option, it is also possible to participate in an online training program. During the online training, different modules are completed, then a one-on-one conversation with Pates is scheduled to discuss the training. The volunteer receives a binder of resources, a directory of important people in the wing that can be contacted, a script to reference when making calls, a KSP certificate, and a spouse’s coin.
Once a volunteer has been trained, he or she meets with the first sergeant to get a list of deployed members and family contact information. The commander and first sergeant make the initial contact with the family, then the Key Spouse calls, introduces themselves, and continues to make monthly calls.
These initial calls have been found to be a great comfort to spouses and family members, especially since they can be nervous, scared, or apprehensive about the coming months of deployment. In addition to monthly phone calls between the Key Spouse and the family members, support group meetings occur each month, which the Key Spouse attends with the family. If any issues arise that the Key Spouse cannot fully assist with, Pates is contacted and she ultimately determines who else needs to be contacted, what resources should be utilized, etc.
A unique aspect of the Reserve KSP is that volunteers are not just limited to spouses. Spouses, significant others, parents, retirees, etc. are all welcome to participate in the program. Perhaps the Airman deploying is only 19, and his or her parents are new to the military environment. Having a fellow military parent connect with them can be very reassuring. As Pates mentioned, “who better to talk to than someone who knows?”
What It’s All About
Key Spouses are volunteers who have had experience with the military lifestyle, such as during deployments and other situations causing spouses to live apart. Their job is to provide information, resources, and support to spouses currently facing those types of situations.
When Pates’ husband was deployed, she said, “Getting those calls from another spouse was always so timely. It happened in the most stressful times when you’re on the verge of tears.”
She remembers feeling like without her spouse she had to “shoulder all the responsibilities.” For example, if the washing machine is broken, the lawn is not mowed, and one of the children is sick, it can feel overwhelming. Of the KSP, she says, “it’s not all out of your control, and there is somebody there to support you.”
After a spouse returns from a deployment, the key spouse will continue to support the family. Adjusting back to “normal” life can be difficult, both for the military member and the family. The Key Spouse is still there to assure the family that being uncomfortable or awkward is normal. Sometimes it can be helpful to be reminded that readjusting will take time and that just like during the deployment, there are resources and support systems available. If after several weeks there is still an issue, the key spouse is expected to reach out to Pates and the family will be referred to the proper agencies to receive the help they need.
Growth
In the past, the KSP had anywhere between 25 and 40 Key Spouses at a time. Now, there are less than ten. While Key Spouses can be paired with multiple spouses or family members, more volunteers are needed in order to not overwhelm the current key spouses. Pates and the Key Spouses are looking to reenergize the program. On September 17th, they held a KSP Open House to explain what the program is all about and inspire others to volunteer. Pates stated that “If we can get the leadership to buy in and realize this program will help the unit and their deployed family members, that’s the key to getting volunteers.”
The organization would like everyone to know that in addition to its family support efforts, it also organizes clothing drives, collects prom dresses for inner city kids, packs holiday baskets, and participates in many other supportive community events.